March 4, 2012

I'm officially the worst blogger ever!  I can't believe how busy I feel and how little time I seem to have to sit down at the computer!  I would never use the Internet period if it wasn't for my iphone!  We are in the process of opening a franchise in Lethbridge and Brynn's nurses said it would be great for me to keep my mind on something else but getting it started is definitely busy.  We had such an amazing Christmas with Brynn being healthy and home!  We had the privilege of being asked to do the live nativity that is held outdoors each year!  It was a very special experience for our family and really set the tone for Christmas and remembering the birth of the Savior and focusing what the true meaning is.  Brynn was so excited that there would be real animals at it and said she didn't care what part she played as long as she could be with an animal!  They chose her to be the stable boy and she was thrilled to be the one to hold the donkey for Mary and Joseph and lead it away when they reached the stable.  A few times I was worried that her little 75 pound body couldn't handle the donkey but Brynn had treats she brought in her pocket and did a great job! 
In January we lost one of most dear friends that we met from the hospital and Ronald McDonald House.  We had known for a few months that it was a possibility but we just kept praying for a miracle for this special little family.  Brynn met Charlotte the first week we started treatment and there was an instant connection between them.  I can honestly say that the last few months since finishing treatment and returning to home and what is supposed to be "normal" life again- has been the most emotional time since she got diagnosed.  We have lost 5 friends from the oncology unit since September and that really takes a toll on you emotionally.  Not only on me but on poor Brynn who is such a smart, thoughtful girl who has lots of valid questions for a mom that has very few answers.  Our hearts felt literally broken for these families and we feel so helpless but continue to pray for comfort and healing and that they can know they will see these sweet children again.
In February we were once again invited to participate in the Radiothon for the Children's Hospital and it was such a treat for our family.  We hadn't been there for over 2 months and were excited to see some of our friends and nurses that have become our extended family.  I had given a poem that Sadie had written for school to one of the nurses before Christmas and it had been passed on to the Hospital Foundation.  They asked Sadie to read it on the radio (much to her dismay) but she did it and had us all in tears.  I'm so glad her teacher told me about it and gave me a copy since my daughter hadn't said anything about it.  They were asked to write a quick poem in 5 minutes about something that means something to them.  What an amazing girl- I have to say!  It goes like this....

And I'll never forget the bright colored walls
it all looked so joyful and fun
is this really a hospital? I thought to myself
but the story had only begun

And I'll never forget how my heart sank
as we strode down the oncology hall
the way you can here young patients crying
and my sister would experience this all?

And I'll never forget Brynn's hospital room,
her frail body sprawled on her bed
I always felt a little sad being there
when would her hard year end?

And I'll never forget how my point of view changed
this place was here to save lives
people there became like your family
and you help other children who cry

And I'll never forget my young sister's face
when her trial with cancer was through
this place is now our second home
Children's Hospital I owe it to you.

I have to say I was in shock when I first read it- that she wrote it in such a short time and that she would write about this subject at all at school.  We aren't sure where she got this talent from?

The end of February- actually on my birthday the 27th we had our scans again.  I couldn't believe how quickly 3 months went by!  I felt very anxious but fasted the day before and knew alot of prayers were being said on Brynn's behalf.  I felt so good when we had our appt in clinic at first and the doctor said they considered her cured!  I felt very optimistic since she looks so good and she seems to be feeling pretty much normal.  After that we went to her MRI and I assumed they were doing her foot and abdomen since that's what we did last time.  She reacted to the CT contrast so they decided they would only do MRI's from then on.  When they only scanned her foot it had me a little worried and then in her hour long bone scan afterward, they said they were done and then took more pictures of her foot at the request of the radiologist.  I reassured Brynn that it was no big deal but Kevin saw the look on my face- I hide my emotions so well!  On the way out of the hospital we ran into some friends we haven't seen for quite a while that were done treatment.  I gave the mom a hug and asked how they were doing when I saw the tears in her eyes and she answered-Not good!  I felt sick the whole way home and could hardly sleep that night!  I called the next day and they said they could arrange another MRI if I was going to be losing sleep over it until the next scans in May.  They are so good to understand the anxiety of a mother and are so willing to go above and beyond.  We did recieve the good news last week that her scans are all clear!  We believed they would be but it is still wonderful to hear the words!

I have to say how grateful I am to be home as a family again and to be able to see all my children together- even though I didn't remember how busy I was before until I came home from the hospital!  We continue to have so  much support and love for our family and Brynn was so thrilled to return to school in January and to be with her class again!  They had a surprise party for her and sang a song to welcome her back!  She has beautiful downy soft hair and her glow and contagious smile are as bright as ever- she never did lose that!  So good to see her feeling like a normal kid again and not taking a single thing for granted!  I'm trying to be like her and not slip into the trap of not appreciating every single blessing we have:)