April 6, 2013

Wow, I can't believe how time flies!  We have had an amazing last month or so.  Brynn continues to amaze us and seems to be feeling very good.  She is at school full time except for chemo days and is thriving.  She amazes us with the grades she is getting with all the school she has missed!  She was a trooper as we travelled alot to watch basketball games many times during the week from November to March.   She always wanted to come and cheer on her sister Sadie- never wanting to miss out on anything.  Brynn is sooo excited because something she has wanted for a long time- ever since we had our dog Zoe- is to have a litter of puppies!  Well,  Suri was bred and is going to have puppies sometime this week!  Brynn and the other kids are going to have a blast having the puppies around- even though they won't be ours but the breeders.  We are going to have alot of tears I'm afraid when the day comes that they are all gone.  It will be a great experience for them though. 

We had scans on March 26th and 27th and were extremely nervous even though Brynn is feeling so good, needing no morphine for pain, and we just about can pretend to be normal except for the pills, shots, and chemo IV once a week:) It is the most unreal feeling watching your child going into all these scans and tests and knowing that you can't change a darn thing- the outcome will be what it will be and you just have to deal with the reality of it.  I prayed and prayed in every scan, giving her words of encouragement, joking and laughing together, meanwhile having knots in my stomach.  We always have a deal that mom and dad fast along with her- we only eat when she can eat.  Usually my stomach is hurting so much from nerves I couldn't eat anything anyways.  Right before scans Brynn started worrying about her leg and scared that a lump there was bigger.  When Dr. Lewis her oncologist called with the results her fears were confirmed.  Everything in every other area was shrinking- some places that were diseased before didn't even show on scans.  Everything was very positive except this one area in her leg.  We were scared and a little mad- like come on- cut this sweet girl a break already!  So now we are waiting to find out what plan of action is next.  We are going to Calgary this Monday and meeting with some surgeons to find out what our options are there and then waiting to hear if we are going to add radiation treatments to this area.  Nothing breaks my heart more than to have to calm Brynn's worst fears- usually at night in bed.  She asks some tough questions and I know she is scared to death. 

Right after scans we were so glad to have Easter break for the kids and we took off to our cabin to get away from it all.  It's so nice to be in nature with no internet or cell phones and to just be together, and with no other distractions! 

 Brynn said on the way down that she just wanted to cut her leg off.  When Brynn first got diagnosed that was what she was scared of the most- having an amputation.  Now she is asking for one just to get rid of this disease and live a normal life!  Our week away was awesome!  We went skiing one day and had such a great time all together and got some great video footage!  We had the Jensen family come down there with us and the kids had so much fun together.  It was so great to see Brynn and Kaylee just being kids and building forts together and finding a frog down at the beach.  One of the highlights of our whole trip was going dog sledding!  When I heard about it I knew the kids would absolutely love it and I was right.  It was seriously one of the most fun things I have ever done! 

I just want to say again how much everyones support and prayers and words of comfort mean to us.  I know some people wonder why we put things on facebook and I am careful what goes on there.  Brynn actually asked me to post about her results when we got back from our trip.  She really loves reading the comments and she is amazed at how many people care about her.  We feel really helpless right now as parents- just waiting and doing whatever the specialists tell us to do.  The only thing we can do is pray, be positive, and never stop hoping and believing that miracles do happen every day and we continue to see many blessing poured down on our little family<3<3<3