October 29,2012

Today was THE hardest day of my life.  I was hoping to never post on this blog again- it would be to remember Brynn's treatments and look back at it when we were back to normal life.  Brynn has been done treatment for a year now and has not has as much as a cold.  She has dove back into everything she missed while in treatment- 4H, basketball, volleyball, swim club, baton lessons, piano lessons and much more.  We recently lost 2 close friends from the hospital and I was having a really hard time not feeling guilty that Brynn was doing so well.   That all changed so quickly that I wasn't at all prepared. 
Last Friday we were at a very close friends funeral when Brynn complained that her back was sore.  She is playing volleyball right now so that was my first thought.  Also when Brynn was diagnosed my back was terribly sore and was told that when you are stressed or mourning you carry it all in the back- that made sense with what she was going through.  When it was still sore 2 days later I decided we better check it out and see if she had a kidney infection or something.  It quickly changed to her throwing up ( she had friends with the flu as well) and then the pain left her back and moved to the right side of her lower stomach.  I took her in to the hospital a couple more times trying to figure out what was wrong.  Calgary decided to do a PET scan and we waited for the results of that.  Everyone from Taber and Calgary hospital felt sure that it was either the start of her period or kidney stones that were causing the pain.  We came up to Calgary yesterday and this morning I went in rounds to hear what the dr's were deciding to do.  I was completly blind-sided when they said there were multiple hot spots that showed up in the scan and that it was very worrisome that she was relapsing.  I can honestly say that today has been worse than the day she was first diagnosed.  I feel angry and frustrated that things were going so well and that we had no signs or symptoms earlier and that things could change so quickly for us.  I have felt nauseated all day with the news- yet needing to be strong and answer all of Brynn's tough questions the best I can.  All I know is that she is one amazing kid that has touched so many lives and continues to be an example of strength and courage to me. 
Tomorrow we have surgery and figure things out so we can come up with a game plan with the team of oncologists.  We have amazing support from family and friends and feel the prayers being offered on Brynn's behalf.  Please continue to pray for her- I am going to try to update regularly on this blog that I guess isn't done it's story yet....