July 11, 2013

This last month we have had some of our biggest highlights and then some of our lowest lows.  It's strange how things happen and it feels like we have come a full circle- I will try to explain!  At the end of school this year Brynn wanted very badly to be present at the year end assembly on the very last day of school.  Her chemo was scheduled for Calgary that day but they are so accommodating to let us do it in Lethbridge whenever we feel is necessary.  We made her appt earlier than usual that day so we could race back for the assembly.  As they give the award they go grade by grade.  For grade 8 they called the awards and Brynn's name was called for the Citizenship Award- for always being kind to everyone.  I had tears well up in my eyes as I remembered us racing back from Brynn's first MRI  three years ago when she was just getting diagnosed.  We barely made it back before her grade 5 class was called and she won the Citizenship Award then too.  This year her brother Kade and cousin Abby received the same award as well.
The week after school was out on June 25th we had tickets to see Taylor Swift in Edmonton.  My girls were SOOO excited- she is their absolute favorite singer.  Kevin's brother Corb said he would try to get his manager who is friends with Taylor's manager to hook us up with something.  I didn't hear any more the month before we went and then Corb called the day of the concert and said we were to go at 4:30 and pick something up from Rexall Place.  I thought he must had got her to sign something for the girls so we went to pick it up and they handed me an envelope.  We opened it up and it said we were invited to the "Meet and Greet"!!!!  The girls could not believe we were going to meet her!  It was pretty surreal as they took the three of us into a curtain and we were standing in there alone with Taylor Swift!  She was very gracious and even told Brynn she loved her hair.  She had no idea that Brynn had been bald and grown her hair out!  We were only allowed the one picture that they took of us and she is even more stunning in person!
After the high of the concert we were on our way to have scans in Calgary before returning home.  It has took me almost 2 weeks to even write this blog post because I can hardly put it into words.  It feels like if I actually write it down then I can't pretend it is all a bad dream.  Brynn has been complaining of pain in her shoulder blades lately and so even though we were praying with all that we had- I was scared.  Exactly 3 years to the day since we got the horrible phone call with Brynn's diagnosis- we got another call that was worse than any other sucker punch to the stomach that we have received so far.  The cancer is in several new areas that it has never been in before.  So I feel like here we are- three years later right back to where we started except for this time we are starting to feel burned out.  We want to be done- it's hard to keep the fighting spirit up when as Brynn says- I'm just sick of being sick and I just want to be normal!  Nothing breaks my heart more. 
I'm trying to not get mad because I hate this disease sooo much and it has took so much away from us.  It is so sneaky and frustrating!  We had good response and you have so much hope- then it becomes resistant and finds somewhere new to go.  It hasn't grown back in any of the areas it has been so far- and not in her foot where it all began- so so frustrating! 
So here we are - getting our armor back on for battle once again.  Brynn said she absolutely wants to keep fighting and I told her she is my hero no matter what.  I would understand if she was done but she for sure wants to keep fighting.  We will take each day as it comes and enjoy every moment.  So grateful that we have summer holidays right now and can just enjoy being together as a family and have no schedules to do whatever we want.  Thank you for all your prayers and support.  Everyone askes what they can do and really that is the best thing right now!  Pray for our little girl<3